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last updated: Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:45:19 GMT

 Thu, 6 Dec 2007 11:56:56 GMT 'CSI' Toy May Be Dangerous
A hazardous substance was discovered in a fingerprint kit.
 Thu, 6 Dec 2007 10:08:08 GMT Fox: Maybe I'm Just Having A Midlife Crisis
The former 'CSI' actress discusses her decision to leave and the future of her career.
 Tue, 4 Dec 2007 11:09:09 GMT Interview: Melina Kanakaredes
The 'CSI: NY' leading lady talks to CSI Files' Kristine Huntley about Stella's bad boyfriends, her loyalty to the team and the effect the writers' strike is having on the show.
 Tue, 4 Dec 2007 06:57:57 GMT And They All Lived 'Happily Never After'
Mac's team investigates the death of a notorious hotel owner and a whimsically-dressed young woman in the twelfth episode of 'New York'. Major Spoilers inside!
 Mon, 3 Dec 2007 07:35:35 GMT Official 'Cockroach' Details
'CSI' airs a new episode while 'Miami' and 'New York' play repeats. Official plot details and cast list inside.
 Mon, 3 Dec 2007 06:23:23 GMT Ratings Round-Up
All three 'CSI' shows were timeslot winners.
 Thu, 29 Nov 2007 10:46:46 GMT Review: CSI: New York--'The Thing About Heroes'
Mac goes to Chicago to learn the connection between the 333 caller and his past and finally faces off with his stalker.
 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 07:35:35 GMT Fans Say Thank You
Fox will receive a special gift.

[logo] CSI News   more  xml   
last updated: Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:45:22 GMT

 Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:51:45 GMT Gary Dourdan and George Eads: Best Buds on 'CSI' and in Real Life

"There's a respect and love. There's no bull s--t between us."

Throughout several seasons, CSI has often showed the close friendship of Warrick Brown and with fellow CSI Nicholas "Nick" Stokes . via BuddyTV

 Thu, 06 Dec 2007 08:38:28 GMT Following the evidence

"Notice everything. Document everything. Let the evidence guide you. Remember the dead can't speak for themselves."

"Crime scenes are puzzles," crime-scene investigator Gil Grissom solemnly explains in a video that opens the exhibit "CSI: The Experience" at Boston's Museum of Science. via The Phoenix

 Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:26:48 GMT Fans Continue to Show Support for Former 'CSI' Actress

"I've been thinking about leaving for a year and a half. I had to get up the courage. Maybe I'm just having a midlife crisis. Maybe this will be the worst decision I ever make"

The Flagship of the CSI universe focusing on the unique work done by forensic experts. via BuddyTV

 Mon, 03 Dec 2007 22:46:46 GMT Fox Fears Decision to Quit Csi

"I've been thinking about leaving for a year and a half. I had to get up the courage. Maybe I'm just having a midlife crisis. Maybe this will be the worst decision I ever make."

JORJA FOX fears leaving TV hit CSI will be the biggest mistake of her life. The 39-year-old actress is quitting the show after seven years of playing forensic scientist Sarah Sidle - but she admits the big step ... via PR-inside.com

 Sun, 02 Dec 2007 11:45:13 GMT Foxy Lady Moves on

'I'D WALK through fire for the 'guys' I worked with on 'CSI.' I could never be sick of them!" says Jorja Fox, who has left the popular TV series. via Woo Factor

 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:35:57 GMT TV Review: CSI

'CRIME' PAYS Now in its eighth season, the quirky CSI remains one of TV's most rewarding shows Bill Inoshita By Ken Tucker Ken Tucker Ken Tucker is critic-at-large for EW For a series that's the most underrated ... via EntertainmentWeekly

 Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:10:51 GMT 'CSI' goes for a ride when the rodeo comes to town

"Higher") with his band, the .357s. They'll be onstage in a honky-tonk bar when a brawl erupts. Nicole Sullivan ("MADtv") will also appear in the special rodeo episode. "CSI"

Two murders during an annual bull riding rodeo draw the Las Vegas CSIs into the middle of an illegal bull breeding operation. via CTV.ca

 Thu, 29 Nov 2007 05:43:03 GMT Csi: 7 Season Pack New C.S.I. Las Vegas 1-7 2 3 4 5 6

Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7 Starring: William Petersen, Marg Helgenberger, George Eads, and more Description: Full Screen format. via Spatial Ireland


CSI Fanatic   more  xml   
last updated: Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:45:19 GMT

 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:05:57 +0000 The Perfect Gift For the CSI Fan!
Do you have a CSI fan that is difficult to buy gifts for? No problem! Get them a CSI computer game so they can gather evidence and solve their own crimes at home. Here’s the CSI: 3 Dimensions of Murder game available for only $19.99 on Amazon.com. But if you check it out, there are [...]

csi-3diminsions.jpgDo you have a CSI fan that is difficult to buy gifts for? No problem! Get them a CSI computer game so they can gather evidence and solve their own crimes at home. Here’s the CSI: 3 Dimensions of Murder game available for only $19.99 on Amazon.com. But if you check it out, there are actually games for XBOX, Nintendo Wii and several computer operating systems. check them out!

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 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:10:08 +0000 Gary Sinise at the Inspire Awards
Gary Sinise attended the 2008 AARP Magazine Inspire Awards at The New York City Public Library in New York City on December 3. (follow the jump for more) csi-new-york, csi ny, CSI, cbs, tv, Television, Gary Sinise Photos from WireImage.com Share This

Gary Sinise attended the 2008 AARP Magazine Inspire Awards at The New York City Public Library in New York City on December 3.

Gary Sinise Gary Sinise

(follow the jump for more)

Gary Sinise Gary Sinise

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Photos from WireImage.com

 Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:47:58 +0000 Yet Another Strike Update: This Time Not So Encouraging
TVGuide.com just published this short statement about the writers’ strike status. Although statements circulated by producers and writers yesterday reveal that only $20 million separates their contract proposals, we still may be no closer to seeing this strike resolved. How can that be? The issue isn’t the $20 million — producers drop that over lunch — [...]

Marg HelgenbergerTVGuide.com just published this short statement about the writers’ strike status.

Although statements circulated by producers and writers yesterday reveal that only $20 million separates their contract proposals, we still may be no closer to seeing this strike resolved. How can that be? The issue isn’t the $20 million — producers drop that over lunch — it’s how to assess compensation for ever-changing digital platforms. In any case, talks, such as they are, will resume today. — Ben Katner

If you don’t know what the writers are striking about, here’s a rough description of the issue. Right now, all the actors, producers, and everyone else under the sun gets paid every time a show’s episode gets watched online (because of the revenues from those ads we see during the video) - except for the writers. I’m also pretty sure taht they don’t get compensated the same way the rest do for electronic media such as DVDs. But I say, there wouldn’t be any episodes to show at all if the writers hadn’t written them. They deserve the same sort of compensation for their work as everyone else. Let me tell you as a person who has made a living writing for ** years, writing is not something that just anyone can do with the same flair those writers can. They deserve what they are asking for.

I know that it’s easy to get upset because we don’t get to see new episodes of our favorite shows for a while, but we have to think about the talented people who create them for us. We can be patient while the “powers that be” get the message that writing is valuable to them and should be rewarded just like every other talent involved in show creation.

That’s my two cents. What do you have to say about the strike? Leave a comment to share your thoughts!

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 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 08:52:10 +0000 CSI: Miami New Spoiler From Ausiello
TVGuide.com spoiler provider, Michael Ausiello has this little spoiler for us about CSI: Miami. (follow the jump for the spoiler) Question: Got anything on CSI Miami? — Shakera Ausiello: As you know, Elizabeth Berkley has been cast as Horatio’s ex-wife and the mother of his teenage son. Well, what you may not know, is that she’s trouble with [...]
csi-spoiler-header.jpg

TVGuide.com spoiler provider, Michael Ausiello has this little spoiler for us about CSI: Miami.
(follow the jump for the spoiler)

Question: Got anything on CSI Miami? — Shakera
Ausiello: As you know, Elizabeth Berkley has been cast as Horatio’s ex-wife and the mother of his teenage son. Well, what you may not know, is that she’s trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for Prevaricator. Not only does she have a history of con artistry, but she may also be a murderer.

Source: TV Guide

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 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 08:09:40 +0000 CSI: Vegas - Episode 8.10: “Lying Down with Dogs”
(follow the jump for the spoiler) THE CSI TEAM INVESTIGATES THE MURDER OF A RICH SOCIALITE INVOLVED WITH AN ILLEGAL DOG FIGHTING RING, ON “CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION,” THURSDAY, DEC. 13 Series Star Robert David Hall’s Musical Group, Dr. Robbins & The DeComps Band, Performs Rebecca Budig (”All My Children”) Returns As Exotic Dancer Candy “Lying Down with Dogs” - [...]
csi-spoiler-header.jpg

(follow the jump for the spoiler)

THE CSI TEAM INVESTIGATES THE MURDER OF A RICH SOCIALITE INVOLVED WITH AN ILLEGAL DOG FIGHTING RING, ON “CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION,” THURSDAY, DEC. 13

Series Star Robert David Hall’s Musical Group,

Dr. Robbins & The DeComps Band, Performs

Rebecca Budig (”All My Children”) Returns As Exotic Dancer Candy

“Lying Down with Dogs” - Grissom and his team d elve into the world of illegal dog fighting to find out who is responsible for the death of a wealthy socialite. Meanwhile, Warrick tries to clear his name in the murder of an exotic dancer, on CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION, Thursday, Dec. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. Series star Robert David Hall’s musical group, Dr. Robbins & the DeComps Band, performs. Rebecca Budig (”All My Children”) returns as exotic dancer Candy.

SERIES REGULARS:
Gil Grissom………………………. William Petersen
Catherine Willows………….. Marg Helgenberger
Warrick Brown…………………….. Gary Dourdan
Nick Stokes………………………….. George Eads
Captain Jim Brass………………….. Paul Guilfoyle
Greg Sanders………………………… Eric Szmanda
Dr. Robbins……………………. Robert David Hall
Hodges………………………….. Wallace Langham

RECURRING:
David Phillips……………………….. David Berman

GUEST CAST:
Wendy Simms…………………………… Liz Vassey
Mandy Webster……………….. Sheeri Rappaport
Henry Andrews……………………….. Jon Wellner
Det. Sam Vega……………………. Geoffrey Rivas
Elizabeth Rodriguez………………….. Jamie Luner
Felix Rodriguez…………………….. Jesse Borrego
Tommy Halpert…………………… Mark L. Young
Lou Gedda…………………………. John Capodice
Joanna “Candy” Krumsky……… Rebecca Budig
Steve Card……………………………… Zack Ward
D.D.A Jeffrey Sinclair………………… Erik Jensen
Richard Dorsey……………… Dennis Christopher
Officer Mitchell…………………….. Larry Mitchell
Homeless Man………………… Maxie Santillan Jr.
Brad Lewis………………………… Terry Bozeman
Dogfight Referee…………….. Fernando Negrette
E.R. Doctor……………………….. Nelson Mashita
Animal Control Officer…………… Chris DeRose
Deena Aquino……………………….. Maria Russell
Gino Aquino……………………… Vincent Laresca
IAB Investigator……………………… Tim Kelleher
N.D. Officer………………………….. Roy Jackson

WRITTEN BY: Christopher Barbour and Michael F.X. Daley

DIRECTED BY: Michael Slovis
Source: CBS

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 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 08:01:18 +0000 CSI: Miami - Episode 6.11: “Guerillas In The Mist” Spoiler Photos
(follow the jump for the spoiler photos) Looks like Tripp is back in a suit… Source: CBS csi-miami, csi miami, CSI, cbs, tv, Television, David Caruso, Emily Procter, Adam Rodriguez, Khandi Alexander, Jonathan Togo, Rex Linn, Eva La Rue Share This
csi-spoiler-header.jpg

(follow the jump for the spoiler photos)

Emily Procter

Emily Procter

David Caruso

David Caruso

Rex Linn & David Caruso
Looks like Tripp is back in a suit…

Source: CBS

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 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 02:57:24 +0000 Writer’s Strike Update - Possible Good News for CSI Fans!
The writers’ strike may be wrapping up sooner than we feared. No guarantees, of course, but this is the official statement sent out this afternoon. (keep your fingers crossed…) STATEMENT REGARDING AMPTP WGA NEGOTIATIONS LOS ANGELES, November 29, 2007 – “The AMPTP today unveiled a New Economic Partnership to the WGA, which includes groundbreaking moves in several [...]

Marg HelgenbergerThe writers’ strike may be wrapping up sooner than we feared. No guarantees, of course, but this is the official statement sent out this afternoon. (keep your fingers crossed…)

STATEMENT REGARDING AMPTP WGA NEGOTIATIONS

LOS ANGELES, November 29, 2007 – “The AMPTP today unveiled a New Economic Partnership to the WGA, which includes groundbreaking moves in several areas of new media, including streaming, content made for new media and programming delivered over digital broadcast channels. The entire value of the New Economic Partnership will deliver more than $130 million in additional compensation above and beyond the more than $1.3 billion writers already receive each year. In response, the WGA has asked for time to study the proposals. While we strongly preferred to continue discussions, we respect and understand the WGA’s desire to review the proposals. We look forward resuming talks on Tuesday, December 4.

We continue to believe that there is common ground to be found between the two sides, and that our proposal for a New Economic Partnership offers the best chance to find it.”

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 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 01:37:16 +0000 CSI: NY Episode 4.10: “The Thing About Heroes” Discussion Points
This episode gave us the solution to Mac’s 333 stalker mystery. Mac Taylor went to Chicago to track down the person sending all the puzzles and other clues. When he got there, he went to the Tribune building and found a dead body hanging in an empty room with a gruesome game of “hangman” on [...]

Gary SiniseThis episode gave us the solution to Mac’s 333 stalker mystery. Mac Taylor went to Chicago to track down the person sending all the puzzles and other clues. When he got there, he went to the Tribune building and found a dead body hanging in an empty room with a gruesome game of “hangman” on the wall in red paint. Mac figured out that the secret word in the hangman game was the word “coward.”

Meanwhile, Stella, Danny, Lindsey & Det. Flack went to investigate a New York subway driver who was found dead. During their investigation, the doors to the cars closed and the train began to speed down the tracks toward a certain crash at the gate that added up to 333. Danny, the only CSI not in the subway car, managed to get the runaway train stopped just in time to save the train from its crash.

Back in Chicago, Mac deduced that the clues were leading him to his childhood when he and two of his friends got into trouble and one of the boys was beaten to death while Mac looked on with a loaded gun and was too afraid to pull the trigger. He confronted the friend who took the gun and shot the killer, but the clues did not lead to him.

After examining more evidence, the team figured out that the 333 stalker was trying to kill members of Mac’s team to pay him back and the person doing it was actually the man who had been pursuing Stella with all the gifts. Just then, the creep kidnapped Mac and the team used the man’s brother (Mac’s childhood friend) to bait him while they captured him.

It was a very intense episode and I loved the way Mac was taken to Chicago and had to track down evidence in a place where he ha no authority. Here are some discussion points to get us started.

  1. Jason says that he got the idea that this episode was a lead-in to a possible CSI: Chicago. Do you feel the same way?
  2. I personally liked getting more of Mac’s back story. He’s the strong, silent type and we get bits and pieces of his past, but this was definitely revealing of him.
  3. When you saw how the childhood tragedy played out, do you think that Mac was a coward?
  4. Could it be that Mac went into criminal investigation in some sort of attempt to make up for his fear during that event in his childhood?
  5. I was impressed that Stella resisted the advances of the 333 stalker creep. I know I would have been his victim for sure. (I have a first date this Saturday and I’m giving it second thoughts…..) ;-)
  6. Do you think Mac did the right thing in the end by only wounding the guy? Flack thought he should have shot to kill. What would you do if you had been Mac?
  7. Did you like this episode? What about the story arc?

Let’s get a discussion going. Leave a comment to share your thoughts! I want to hear what you think!

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[logo] CSI Slash   more  xml   
last updated: Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:45:21 GMT

 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 23:55:48 GMT Fic: Advent Calendar (December 5): First Snow [CSI:NY, Danny/Mac]
Title: Advent Calendar (December 5): First Snow
Author: [info]stellaluna_
Fandom: CSI:NY
Rating: PG for language
Summary: Getting out of bed on a cold morning can be hell. Danny/Mac
Disclaimer: None of these are mine. Characters are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS, and Alliance Atlantis.
Notes: This is my attempt at a fic version of an Advent calendar. There will be 25 of these.

When have I ever steered you wrong?
 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 23:40:40 GMT Fic: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep (27/28)
Title: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep
Rating: NC017.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: Descriptions of child molestation.
Summary: Nick tells the tale.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here

Previous parts of this story can be found here



Alan had called Greg to set up a meeting the following day sometime after Greg woke up but that was shot down almost before Alan got through talking. Greg could not, would not wait that long. He was ready to drive down to the clinic right then and there but Alan finally got a word in edgewise and told him that he was springing Nick from the clinic and they would meet in his office in Las Vegas. If Greg absolutely could not wait, they would meet the next morning in his office when Greg got off work.

That meant they had to get their butts in gear and drive to LV right then instead of getting a good nights sleep and leaving the next morning. It rushed everyone a little because Alan had to do a check on all his patients and Nick had to pack a bag for the first time in six months and go spend some time with Brady. He told Alan the poor kid had put up with enough adults just disappearing out of his life; he was not going to be one of them. He was still with Brady when Alan showed up. They both assured him that Nick was just going on an overnight trip and that yes he was going to be leaving the clinic but that did not mean he was going to be leaving Brady. Nick had become very fond of the poor little rich kid and was determined to try to be his friend and give him someone/something he could depend on.
* * * * * * * * * *
Nick was equal parts scared and excited about getting out of the clinic and seeing Greg again on their home turf. He and Alan were going to spend the evening/night together. For both of them it would be a strange transition from doctor/patient to two new friends trying to figure out how to act around each other. Usually, you get to know someone through common interests and it takes time to get to the point where trust builds enough to accept them into your life as a friend. With these two, the trust came before they even knew if they had any common interests.

Alan offered to take Nick out but he was afraid he might be seen by some of his co-workers and was just a little nervous about being out in crowds again after being sequestered for six solid months.

Alan had called Marie from the clinic before they left and by the time they got there, she was at Alan’s and had the guest room prepared and was in the kitchen stirring up some smells that made Nick think of home so much he almost had tears in his eyes. Of course, Alan said he had them too but that was just from the peppers that Marie seemed to put in everything including ice cream.

Have I mentioned that Marie is Mexican, pretty as a picture and more than able to handle Dr. Perkins and his odd lot of patients?

“You scoff but I notice you consume anything and everything I prepare for you and usually complain that there is not more. Hello Nick, it is so wonderful to see you somewhere other than the clinic. Do you think you could stand some chili rellanjo’s with menudo as the first course?”

“Oh my god; I swear I would marry you if he hadn’t just spent the last six months convincing me I’m gay. Now I know why; he wants to keep you hidden in his kitchen.” It had been a long while since Nick had flirted with a pretty woman. Gay or straight; the dance of invitation is always a wonderful way to spend one’s time.

“Nick, believe me NO ONE keeps Marie anyplace she does not want to be. She is the most irritating woman I’ve ever had to deal with and I would fire her in an instant if I thought I could ever find anything in my office again.” He glared at the lovely woman moving serenely about his kitchen as though she owned it, “I suppose this means you’ve already decided we aren’t going out to dinner. What would you have done if we’d wanted to spend the evening trolling the strip joints?”

Marie smiled at him and Nick swore he could hear her voice saying “Silly Man” but her lips didn’t move so he knew it was unspoken but very obvious. “Why, I would have simply packaged it up and taken it to St. Guadalupe’s Food Kitchen. They would appreciate my cooking even if you do not seem to have the good sense to do so.”

Nick saw a chance of losing his excellent meal and since he was already in full drool, he quickly told Marie, he was staying there and eating with her no matter what Alan decided to do.

The three of them had a wonderful dinner and Nick found that either Alan was completely different when not in ‘doctor’ mode or else, Marie just made him funny. He went to bed with hope in his heart and the sound of laughter in his memory.
* * * * * * * * * *
Nick and Alan got to his office at 8:15 and found that Marie was there ahead of them. There was fresh coffee and one plate full of fruit and another loaded with warm, fragrant pastries that made Nick’s mouth water; which was kind of funny since he’d sworn he wouldn’t be able to eat a bite for days after last night’s truly memorable dinner. Marie allowed them to fix a cup of coffee but forbid them to get into the fruit or pastries until Greg got there. At 8:45 he came bouncing into the office; his hair was curling all over his head and though he had tried to smooth it down into some semblance of order, it was pretty apparent it was still damp and he must have dashed home, showered, changed and broke all speed limits getting there. Marie allowed them to enter the inner sanctum where she had the smaller round table in Alan’s office set up for an impromptu brunch. She sat with the three men while they ate the light breakfast she’d prepared for them. Nick was worried. Greg seemed happy to see him but he had not hugged Nick or touched him; he hadn’t even shook his hand for God’s sake and now he was sitting across from Nick with Alan and Marie between them. He had embraced Marie and kissed her on the cheek and gotten a warm, almost loving embrace in return with a return kiss. He’d been enveloped in a bear hug by Alan and from the way he threw his arms around the doctor and hugged him back, it was pretty obvious the hug was nothing new. Nick could feel his hopes dropping fast.

It seemed to Nick as though he had just poured his second cup of coffee and reached for a fresh, warm Danish but Marie was up now, clearing things off the table and the next thing he knew, she had left the room with a final good bye and the remark that the phones were turned off and she would see they were not disturbed. Nick was front and center stage and he was so scared his hands were trembling. They were still seated at the round table with coffee and water. Marie had left some of the fruit and the few remaining goodies. Nick took a sip of his water and tried to compose himself.

“Nick, do you want me to start your breathing exercises?” Alan knew this was not going to be easy for his almost ex-patient.

“No, I’m never going to close my eyes to what I am or what I’m doing again and I might as well start here and now. But thanks for the thought.” Nick smiled at his doctor; his friend. He looked at Greg. How had he not known this man was the love of his life? Why couldn’t he realize what he had before he spoiled it and what if he’d spoiled it forever? No matter what, Greg deserved to hear everything that caused his harsh treatment at the hands of the man who made him think he was in it for the long haul. Nick took one last sip of water, one last deep breath and began.

“You know I come from a large family. Will, that’s William Jr. was the first-born and I guess everyone was out of their minds with joy when he turned out to be a boy. Then the girls started coming. One after another until there were five and I’m told that’s when my daddy said he didn’t need an anvil to fall on his head. He got the message, Will was the only boy and he was pretty happy with his five gorgeous girls and one son. You can imagine how stunned everyone was when not only did I show up but Lordy, Lordy another son.

There was fifteen years between Will and me but I’m told he was thrilled to have a brother no matter what the age difference. The family albums are loaded with pictures of him carrying me around in his arms and then on his hip and finally on his back. He put me on a horse when I was three. He had me riding with the vaquero’s on Grandpa Vickers ranch by the time I was five. Yeah, all the money was on Mama’s side of the family and they weren’t too happy when she took up with William Stokes; but the babies and the fact that daddy was a hard working, church going man began to soothe things over. By the time I came along, Grandpa and Grandma Vickers were a constant part of our lives.”

“I had the kind of childhood you only hear about in books. I was loved, coddled, spoiled, pampered within an inch of my life BUT I was also picked on and just smothered by 5 sisters, one mom and Lupe our housekeeper. She came to us right after Will was born and by the time I came along, I think they would have got rid of one of us before Mom and Dad would give up Lupe. She was just another female who loved me, spoiled me, spanked me and kept me under her thumb. Dad was never there. He was working night and day to support his ever growing family and make a name for himself in the Texas Justice system. That wasn’t easy. The Texas Judicial system was completely political and one of the nastiest arena’s in the US. It didn’t help that daddy was an honest man. That turned out to be his entry into the system. He won his first election because the big boys didn’t think he had a china man’s chance in hell to win anything so they ignored him. The only people who paid him any attention were the folks who listened to what he had to say about the way things were being done and how wrong they were; they listened and then they voted. All he needed was one foot in the door and he was on his way.”

“When I was six, I had a short stay in the hospital.” Nick looked up at Greg finally. His eyes were fastened on Nick and he hadn’t moved except to breathe since Nick had started. “Greg, Alan thinks that visit may have had some influence on what eventually happened to me, well at least part of what happened to me. I wasn’t in there long but I was on medication for months after I got out.”

“I guess it was just a year after that Will had to drop out of school for a month. He actually did have mono which was what they thought I had when I was hospitalized. He was home and in bed for a month and I’m ashamed to say I was thrilled. I knew I was loved, God I knew it but I was surrounded by females. I wanted, I guess I needed a male around. I was so happy to have him home I tried to crawl in bed with him and they wouldn’t let me. Finally they allowed me to get up on the foot of his bed with both of us wearing these stupid little masks on our faces. To amuse himself and to pass the time, Will decided to start me on an exercise program. I wasn’t growing as fast as everyone else in the family had. The door jambs in the kitchen and pantry and back porch were full of markings and notations for every member of the family and it was obvious that I was not as tall as the other six Stokes had been at my age. Our family doctor thought it might be a side effect of the Acquired Hypothyroidism I’d been diagnosed with the prior year. Will was determined that if I wasn’t going to be six feet like everyone else, I was still going to be strong and healthy and able to hold my own against anything.”

“He planned out this whole program and to keep him happy, Daddy and Grandpa bought this whole set of exercise equipment. By then, Will was allowed to get out of bed and sit in a chair for short periods so I was willing to go along with it because it meant he was sitting right there with me the whole time. The first time Will got out of that chair and came over and put his hands on my shoulders and showed me how I was supposed to be moving my arms I was hooked. His hands felt wonderful; so different from the soft touches I got from all the women in the house. These touches were firm and the hands were strong and knew how to move me into the positions he wanted.”

Nick looked at first Alan and then Greg. “I know you may be thinking I was fixating on my brother. I really wasn’t. I loved Will then and I do now but it was strictly a little boy’s hero worship of the big brother he wished was always there to teach him and take care of him. I know the difference now and I’m pretty sure I knew the difference then between what was appropriate and what wasn’t.” Both men nodded their understanding and waited silently for him to continue.

“By the time Will was well enough to go back to school, I had learned to enjoy the exercises for the simple sake of making my body bend to my will and I had also learned Will’s attitude which was if it’s easy, make it harder. I still work out with that as my primary rule to this day. If I find that I can curl 50lbs with out raising a sweat, I increase it to 55 lbs. I didn’t know it then but Will was teaching me more than just how to do simple strength exercises; he was really giving me a rule for life. If it’s too easy, add some weight or difficulty; it’s the only way to keep growing in your job or your personal life.”

“I’m guessing that the exercises were the main reason I never seemed to hit that gawky stage that so many of my friends did. I was always pretty coordinated and I was a hit with all the coaches which fed my need for male companionship and contact. Up till then, the only male hands I’d ever felt on my body were Will and my doctor. My dad was not a hugger, at least I don’t think he was then; he just was never there. My Grandpa was from the old school that men didn’t touch men. I spent a lot of time with the vaquero’s but they would have cut off their own hands before they laid a finger on the Patron’s grandson. There was a sort of funny side to that. They didn’t touch me or hug me but man did they give me an education in street language, Spanish cuss words and I think they taught me every single dirty word for a man or a woman’s parts in existence at that time. It was pretty funny really. That was a time when Mom or my sisters would still say pee-pee when they referred to a man’s penis while I of course was thinking dick, cock or prick in my head. You understand, they would never say that in front of me or any other male. But being the baby in a house full of women, they got to where they regarded me as one of their toys and they would say a lot of things not even realizing I was within ear shot.”

“By the time I got up to my tenth birthday, I was popular in school, played on any and every sports team we had and was getting my ‘male’ fix from my coaches and my teammates. You know it’s one of the oddities of American life that jocks who are notoriously hard on gays are constantly touching each other. We showered together in one big community shower. We were constantly putting our hands on each other’s butts. Half the time when I was getting ready to receive a ball in the line-up I could feel my guys hands practically pressed up against my balls. It was the strangest thing and I guess the strangest thing of all was that I never thought it was strange. I just enjoyed the male contact. Then, I got a call from Will. He was taking a week off and coming home to be with me for my tenth birthday. I was walking on air.”

Nick stopped to take a drink but was surprised to find his water bottle was empty. Alan suggested they take a ten minute break, go to the bathroom and replenish their water, coffee or whatever. Greg asked if they could move over to the comfortable club chairs, he was getting a little stiff from sitting in the dining chairs.

When everyone was settled in their new positions, Nick was pleased to see that Greg was sitting right beside him and Alan had settled in his comfortable office chair. Greg was still not touching Nick but at least he was next to him now. Nick took a sip of water and picked his story.

“I was so happy and the first night home was something I can’t hardly describe it was so good. Will grabbed me the minute he got out of the truck and hugged me so hard I know I turned red and I didn’t care one bit. I was practically on top of him all evening and after dinner, he went up to my room with me and we played cards until Mom came and said I had to go to bed. I had begged and pleaded to be allowed to stay home from school the next day but no one but me seemed to realize this should have been declared a national holiday. Will just messed up my hair and told me not to whine. ‘Suck it up, Nick’ he said. That was his favorite expression. ‘Suck it up’. I’ll spend tomorrow with Mom and the girls and the horses and then we’ll have Friday, Saturday and Sunday to celebrate your birthday and get over the celebration. I’ve got to go back to work on Monday but we have three great days to spend together helping you turn ten. I asked if he would stay in my room and wait until I got ready for bed. He said sure and Mom left saying she would let us men finish our talk.”

“I was so used to being around all my teammates, when I came out of the bathroom, I didn’t have any clothes on and I was drying myself off on the towel. I snapped Will with the towel and he laughed at me but when I dropped the towel on the floor, he stopped laughing. He just stared at me and finally said, ‘Good God, Nick. You’re a lot more grown up than I thought you would be.‘ I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about and I looked down at myself. I looked the same to me except for the patch of dark hair growing in around my dick and the fact that I had to sort of arrange myself now when I put on my jock cup because I seemed to be bigger than my cup and something was always spilling over. That had just happened in the last few months but I was used to it and it never occurred to me that the last time Will had seen me, I’d still been smooth like a baby. I finally decided it was just because he hadn’t seen me for a while and told him ‘Nah, I was growing but not nearly as fast as the rest of them and Doc Hopkins had told me he was pretty sure I was not going to make the Stokes six foot mark.’ I was a little sad, every guy wants to be tall and strong but since I couldn’t be tall well at least I sure was strong.”

“I got into bed, Will came over and hugged me tight and said good night. I had no idea that would be the last happy time I would have with my brother. When I got home from school the next day, everything had changed. All my sisters were there and Barbara, my oldest had brought one of her sorority sisters over. Will didn’t even notice I was home. He didn’t see anyone else in the world except Julie Ann. He just barely said hello to me and before I knew it, he and Barbara and Julie Ann were gone off to a party. I tried to wait up for him but fell asleep somewhere around 2.00am. The next day, I went to his room but he was downstairs on the phone talking to Julie Ann. I went into the kitchen to get something to eat thinking Will would come in and have breakfast with me. After all it was Friday, the first of my three day celebration. He never came to breakfast. I heard a truck pull up out front and then the door slam. A while later I went looking for him, but he was not in the house. One of my other sisters said he went horse back riding with Julie Ann. It just got worse and worse from that moment on. I never again saw him alone; he was always with Julie Ann. Friday Night I was so angry I went upstairs to his room and threw myself down on his bed. I was halfway thinking about trashing his room but I figured he was only using it to change clothes so he could go somewhere else with Julie Ann and wouldn’t even notice. I threw one of his pillows on the floor. There was a magazine under his pillows. I pulled it out and looked at the cover. There was a picture of a naked woman with the biggest tit’s I’d ever seen. She was sprawled on her back and her legs were open and she had her fingers down there touching herself. I felt hot and sick and itchy all at the same time. I’d never ever seen anything like that. The vaquero’s might talk dirty but they would have died before they let me see filth like that. I threw the nasty thing across the room and just folded up into a ball and tried to figure out what happened to my brother. Why would he bring dirt like that into our house."

"I couldn’t make sense of it and I was getting sick to my stomach. I decided to go to my own room but I realized I needed to touch the nasty thing one more time to put it back under the pillows and put the pillow back on the bed. When I went over to pick it up, it had fallen open to what I guess was the centerfold. It was the same woman only this time there was a man with her. He was naked and he had the biggest pee-pee I’d ever seen. It was large and shiny and it had some sort of stuff dripping from the end of it. I didn’t even realize I’d called it a pee-pee in my head but I knew I was seeing what the vaquero’s would call a dick or a cock. I just froze. I couldn’t take my eyes off the thing. I was still hot but I wasn’t sick any more. I did feel something really low in my stomach, almost below my stomach. I wanted to touch the thing even if it was a picture. I wondered what it would feel like to touch the real thing. Then my mom called me from right out in the hall. I almost jumped across the room and stuffed the magazine back under the pillows.”

“Mom was calling me to dinner which again was just her, me and whichever of the girls happened to be around. Dad was still working so he could take Saturday and Sunday off and of course Will was out with…you guessed it….Julie Ann. After everyone had gone to bed, I sneaked back down the hall and into his room. I pulled the magazine out and looked at the picture of the man again. I didn’t even notice the woman was in the same picture. I could only see him and if I were honest, I have no idea what he looked like; I was just looking at his cock. I finally got myself back to bed and tried to sleep but God I had strange dreams.”

Nick briefly put his head in his hands and stopped talking for a moment. Alan asked him if he needed another break. He said no, the worst was ahead and he needed to get it over with. He just needed a minute to get himself together. He almost jumped out of his chair when he felt Greg’s hand on his arm. He looked up at his friend, his once partner. Greg was looking at him with almost no expression on his face at all. Thank God it wasn’t pity. Nick really did not want to see pity on Greg’s face. Greg smiled at him and slid his hand down until he slipped it under Nick’s. He laced their fingers together the way he used to and just waited for Nick to go on. The warm, familiar touch calmed him at once.

“Saturday was even worse than Friday. Mom and Dad had this political dinner they had to attend. It had been planned for weeks and it would be his introduction to the upper level of political bosses. It could easily make him or break him. Not attending was not an option. Before Will came home, there were no problems at all. He was going to stay with me but now, he’d been invited to a big swanky affair at the country club to meet Julie Ann’s folks. No one was available to stay with me; not even Lupe. I kept saying I could stay by myself but Mom wouldn’t even listen to the idea. Finally Julie Ann called one of her sorority sisters. She had a younger sister who baby sat and if she was available, she had references. Of course she was available; anything for Julie Ann. It was settled and I was pissed. She might be the greatest thing since sliced bread when it came to taking care of kids but I was going to make her life miserable. God how could I have been so wrong or so stupid.”

“Things started out okay. She tried to be pleasant, I was an ass. She offered to play games with me, I watched TV. She went to the kitchen to fix my dinner and even was going to let me eat in the living room on a TV tray. I had to get smart and grabbed the plate off the tray and sat down on the floor with it. I spilled it and food went all over the floor. She lost it then and yelled at me to go upstairs to my room. She would deal with me after she cleaned up my messes. I remember she yelled at me, ‘You’re old enough not to make a mess with food on the floor. What’s wrong with you? Are you a stupid retard or don’t you care about other peoples stuff?” Greg jerked violently when Nick repeated the baby’s sitter’s words. Nick turned to him and said, “Sounds familiar doesn’t it babe? How many times did I throw those same cold, cruel words at you?” Nick waited for Greg to remove his hand but he swallowed, shook himself, folded his hand back around Nick’s and told him to go on.

“I went upstairs but I didn’t go to my room, I went to Will’s. I grabbed the magazine and turned to the guy. I imagined I was in the picture with him. That he was there and would keep her away from me. I was concentrating so hard on what he would feel like if I touched him, I never noticed she had come upstairs until she swept into Will’s room. She was standing over me before I knew it. She grabbed the magazine out of my hand and her face went white then red when she saw the picture of the naked couple. She looked at me with this strange look on her face and she said, ‘You disgusting sex-freak. How old are you anyway? You’re disgusting peeking at things you shouldn’t. You need to be punished, you need to really be hurt for spilling your food all over the living room carpet and then you leave me down there to clean up your messes while you’re up here thinking about sticking your pee-pee into something warm and wet. That’s how women get raped because of sex-nuts, sex-freaks like you. But I bet if I tell your folks they won’t punish you the way you should be; oh no; they’ll let you get away with it and then you’ll just do dirtier and dirtier things. I’m going to punish you. I’m going to give you just what you deserve.”

“She reached down and jerked my belt out of my jeans before I ever realized what she was doing. She flipped me over on the bed and wrapped the belt around my wrists and fastened it tight around them. I was laying on my stomach with my face in the pillows and I turned my head so I could breathe. I told her she was crazy, to let me go but she just kept on talking about punishing me the way I deserved and she’d teach me to spill food all over the carpet and make her clean it up. She reached over and pulled Will's night stand open. She pulled out a pair of scissors he kept in there and for one minute I thought she was going to stab me with them but instead, she cut my t-shirt off. Then she twisted me over on my side and unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them and my shorts off. They caught on my shoes and I thought maybe I could kick her and run but my legs were pinned together by the jeans and she pulled my shoes off and had my pants off before I even realized what she was doing. I was completely naked in front of a stranger and I was terrified but that was nothing compared to the look that came over her face when she looked down at me and said, “Jesus Christ, you’re a physical freak too. No ten year old boy should have a woody.’ I had no idea what she was talking about and it didn’t help when she grabbed my dick hard and started rubbing back and forth on it.”

“She stopped and got quiet and if I was scared before I was terrified now. She started humming to herself. She smiled at me and said, ‘Well let’s make the punishment fit the crime and I’ll have a little fun too. She took off her clothes and I knew I was going to vomit right there on Will’s bed but I guess I made some sort of gagging sound because she bent over me and said, “You little son-of-a-bitch, don’t you even thing about puking and ruining my fun. I’ll cut your pee-pee off and shove it down your throat. We’ll just see if you bleed to death or choke first. Now shut up and be still. She climbed on top of me and started rubbing herself against me but it made me sick and I got smaller. She slapped me and got off me and went over and got the magazine. She propped up the pillows somehow so I was looking at the picture of the guy. ‘You need a little something to get you started you freak. Here it is. Now I’m going to get my fun and then I’m going to take care of you. She climbed back on top of me. I tried to not think about what she was doing and just looked at the guy in the picture. I looked at his dick and imagined I was holding it and rubbing it and we were all alone together in my room with no one else around. Finally she climbed off me. I was so sore, she had put all her weight on me and my hands were still fastened behind my back and I couldn’t feel them anymore. She looked down at me and screamed at me again that I was a sex-freak because I couldn’t get hard from her and had to look at the picture of the woman in the magazine. I almost told her it wasn’t the woman I was looking at but something told me to keep my mouth shut. I think she might have killed me if she’d know it was the guy who had gotten me hard enough for her to get me inside her. I didn’t realize I was still somewhat erect until she reached down and grabbed me and started jerking her hand back on forth on me. She was holding me too hard and pulling on it too hard and it hurt so much I thought I would cry but that was nothing compared to what she did next. She reached down and grabbed my testicles. They had started growing the last few months and I’d already known they were tender when I accidentally caught them when I sat wrong. She started squeezing them hard and I cried out and she said I was getting what I deserved that punishment was supposed to hurt. I was so close to passing out. I remember yelling at her, I’m going to tell. I’ll tell every one what you did to me and she just squeezed harder and laughed. She said, ‘You stupid little shit, guys can’t get molested or raped. Only girls can. Look at you, you’re hard right now and I think I see stuff coming out of your pee-pee. All guys want sex. You wanted me so bad you got hard to get me and you’re only ten years old. If you dare open your mouth, I’ll tell everyone what a monster, a freak you are. How would your fancy parents with their fancy dinners like having the whole town know they have a sex-freak for a kid? Nothing happened to you that you didn’t want. You were the one looking at a sex magazine instead of helping me clean up your mess.’ Then she squeezed extra hard and started rubbing me as hard and as fast as she could. I felt like my dick was going to explode and then I felt something warm and I knew she had made me bleed and I passed out.”

“It seemed like hours later when I came to. I was still in Wills room but my hands were undone, I was naked and there was some sort of sticky stuff all over my lower stomach and thighs. I remember getting up and thinking I had messed up my brothers room. I made the bed. I found a magazine on the floor and put it under the pillow. It seemed to belong there. I picked up my clothes. I never wondered why I was naked in my brother’s room. I went to my room and put my clothes in the hamper and ran the tub full of water. It was so much hotter than I was used to but it seemed to be the right thing to do. I got in the tub and my skin burned from the water and it hurt my pee-pee so bad I remember crying a few tears and then I heard this voice. It sounded like a kid but a kid older and tougher than me. It said, ‘Stop crying you little wimp. Suck it up. Take it like a man. You can’t tell anyone what happened.’ I remember sitting there wondering where the voice had come from and what I wasn’t supposed to tell. Maybe it was whatever had hurt my pee-pee so bad. I never told because I never remembered.”

Poor scared brutalized, violated young Nick did not know then that the voice would be his tormenter and protector for the next twenty-four years.

“I never told anyone, until now”

Nick was quiet. The room was quiet. No one spoke. Greg finally let out a breath he had no idea he’d been holding. He didn’t know if he was shaking or Nick but their joined hands were visibly moving.

“Guys don’t get raped, they get punished. You really didn’t know what you were doing to me. You punished me for spilling food in the living room; for not being a grown up and acting like a stupid kid but you didn’t rape me. Thank God!” Greg leaned back in his chair and rested his head on the lean back. He was shaking all over now but he didn’t let go of Nick’s hand.

Alan looked at the two men sitting in front of him. It was obvious they had gone through that whole horrible ordeal together. He wondered if that meant they finally were together.

‘Nick, are you okay? Do you need anything right now.” Alan was a little worried about his patient. He was sitting there, actually slumped there in front of him. Only a slight movement of his chest let him know he was still alive. He seemed diminished somehow; smaller almost like a child was sitting there; a small, hurt, confused child.

Nick took a deep breath and sat up straight. The child was gone. A grown man was sitting in front of Alan. A beautiful man with the saddest brown eyes he’d ever seen. He felt a completely irrational desire to go around the desk and put his arms around the man with the sad eyes and hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright now.

Nick turned to Greg and asked the question he had to know the answer to; the question he did not want to know the answer to. “Greg. Can you forgive me and give me another chance?”

Greg looked at their linked hands and then up to Nick’s sad, hopeful eyes. He sighed softly and then said the only thing he could say under the circumstances.
 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 22:46:57 GMT Fic: Breathe
Erm, I'm rather new with writing fanfiction, and well, writing fiction in general. I know this isn't the best, but I thought I'd share nonetheless. This stemmed from a rather simple prompt I was given during my train ride home the other day.

Title: Breathe
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: AUish. Melodrama.
Summary: Greg couldn't stop pacing.
Spoilers: None.
Word Count: 451

Read here.

Cross-posted to my journal, as well as nickngreg.
 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 11:27:31 GMT Fic: Groovy Orange
Title: Groovy Orange
Series: Odd Colour Series
Author: Swift tales
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Category: Romance, Humour, AU
Pairing: The Hardy Boys (Eric/Ryan); Horatio/OFC
Rating: PG
Warnings: mention of non-con
Spoilers: No Man's Land and Man Down (Season 5 episodes 14 & 15)
Disclaimer: I do not own!
Summary: Epilogue!

Chapter 20
 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:21:08 GMT Fic: Advent Calendar (December 4): Festival of Lights [CSI:NY, Hawkes/Mac]
Title: Advent Calendar (December 4): Festival of Lights
Author: [info]stellaluna_
Fandom: CSI:NY
Rating: PG
Summary: Hawkes would like to extend an invitation. Hawkes/Mac
Disclaimer: None of these are mine. Characters are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS, and Alliance Atlantis.
Notes: This is my attempt at a fic version of an Advent calendar. There will be 25 of these.

I don't mind telling you that I make a damn good latke.

Feedback is always appreciated.
 Wed, 05 Dec 2007 02:51:22 GMT fic: Blur (Flack/Hawkes; NC-17)
title: Blur
with: Flack/Hawkes
rated: NC-17
herein: Flack needs to stop thinking; set late season three
disclaim: I only own the dvds; everything belongs to Zuiker, CBS, et al
for: [info]buffy_lily

Flack is wasted.
 Tue, 04 Dec 2007 04:31:50 GMT Fic: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep (26/28)
Title: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None. If you made it through Chapter’s 22 and 24, you can handle anything.
Summary: All the pieces of the puzzle come together.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here

Previous parts of this story can be found here



It was almost 9.00pm. Dr. Perkins was sitting in his office. He was somewhat pissed that the vodka seemed to be affecting him physically but was doing nothing to calm his jumbled thoughts. He was pretty sure he knew Nick’s story. He’d played the recording over and over.

Why do I keep calling it a tape recorder when it’s digital and it’s been digital for several years now? Is this even possible? I need to do some research on the onset of puberty and try to make some sense of this mess. Good God, how has he managed to function all these years? How deep did he have to bury this shit? I’m amazed he can make it through a shift at work, much less function at the level he does. How could he live through the last twenty-four years and not be a raving maniac? I need to call Phillip and check on him.

Alan buzzed Phillip’s personal pager and had him on the line at once. “How’s he doing Phillip?”

“He’s resting quietly. He’s turned over twice since I came on duty at 5.00. Russell said he hadn’t moved at all while he was here. If it wasn’t for the fact that I can feel his chest rise when I put my hand on him, I’d be worried.”

“I’ve got to get some sleep. I’m as tired as he is right now. If he is still sleeping at midnight, try to wake him and get him to go to the bathroom. If he can’t, don’t worry about it. If he’s sleeping that soundly, housekeeping can just change his bedding. If you can get him up, be sure and get some water down him before he goes back to sleep. Who is taking over for you at 1.00 am?”

There was a silence as Phillip obviously checked something then he said, “Roger is supposed to replace me but personally, I would rather have someone else here. Nick has never met Roger. If he’s had the kind of day Russell described, he does not need to see a strange face sitting beside his bed when he wakes up. Oh, Dr. Perkins can you hold for just a minute? This is Russell beeping in and it might be about Nick.” Alan said sure and leaned his aching head back against his chair. He was almost dozing when Phillip came back on the line.

“Hey, are you still there?”

Alan answered him and asked if the call was about Nick.

“Yeah it was. Russell said Charles is about to have a cow. He’s worried sick about his favorite patient and he’s coming back in to take over from me.”

Alan just groaned and said, “He does not need to be there; not with stitches and I know he was running a slight fever earlier.”

“You know that and I know that but you know Charles. He takes his responsibilities very seriously and between you and me; I bet his TLC approach does as much to heal our patients as your therapy.”

“Please don’t try to spare my feelings. We both know he probably has more wins than I do right now. Okay, as long as he just sits with Nick and doesn’t try to perform any physical acts, I’ll let it go….and Phillip.”

“Yes, Dr. Perkins?”

“You tell the stubborn old coot, I just may come down during the night to check on both of them.”

Phillip snickered quietly into the phone. “I’ll tell him. Should I use your exact words?”

“Hell Yes!”

Alan got up and headed down the hall to his suite at the clinic. He had thought briefly about taking the bottle with him but decided there was no point in putting his liver and kidney’s in danger if he couldn’t get blotto while he was doing it.

He knew he should call Greg but he was just too tired. He was too tired for everything except…he stripped off his clothes, grabbed a large bottle of water and swigged down half of it trying to get 2 salt tables and 2 aspirin down his dry throat, then he dialed the one number he knew he had to call.

“Hola, this is Marie.”

“Marie, I just wanted to tell you….”

“What did you want to tell me, Doctor?”

“Call me what you called me the other day.”

“What, boss?”

“No it was a different word; started with ‘c’ or ‘k’ or somethin’.”

“Querido.”

“That’s it. What does that mean?”

“I’ll tell you someday when you’re sober. Goodnight mi amor.”

“What does that mean?” Alan was talking to a dial tone but he could still her soft, throaty laugh and the sigh in her voice. Mi Amor. He had to get a Spanish to English Dictionary. Tomorrow right after he hit the books and started proving his theory about Nick. Alan slept; dreaming about dark brown eyes that switched from a frightened, scared male face to a smiling, teasing female face.
* * * * * * * * * *
When Greg woke up, he was alone in the big comfortable bed but he was warm and happy. He felt like he’d slept for days instead of hours and he had the strangest feeling; a little tingly like he’d been held and cuddled for hours. Sure you have Sanders. You really think your two best friends are going to feed you, see to it that you are bathed and taken care of AND hug you and make you feel wanted like you used to feel with Nick. Man you are one hell of a dreamer.

He headed for the bathroom, took care of his personal needs, got dressed and went out find his hosts. Steve was sitting in the big recliner in the living room with Chelsi sprawled across his lap reading to him. When Greg came into the room and leaned over the recliner to give the little girl a hug and a kiss, she jumped up and followed him out to the kitchen.

“Well, young lady, to what do I own the honor of your company. I can’t believe you left your Papa to come with me.”

Chelsi giggled and threw both arms around Greg’s waist and said, “Papa said we would have dinner when you woke up and I’m hungry so I’m glad you’re awake.”

“I should have known. It’s not my fatal charm that’s bewitched you; it’s your hungry, little gut.” He reached down and tickled her round, little tummy. She just collapsed over his arm and they both wound up on the kitchen floor engaged in a ferocious tickle fight. When their fun was interrupted by a tapping foot and a ‘Ahem’ they stopped and looked up into Bobby’s scowling face.

“Hey Steve, you remember those discussions we’ve been having about having another kid? I think we just got one.”

Chelsi squealed out loud and threw herself on top of Greg. “You’re my brother. I don’t have to call you Uncle Greg anymore. I can call you Greggo now. Does this mean you’re going to live with us? You can’t have my bedroom because I’m a girl and I need my space but we’ll figure it out.”

Greg was trying to get up, answer Chelsi who was excitedly bouncing up and down on top of him and get away from Bobby before he killed him. He backed up across the kitchen floor until he came to an abrupt halt when he felt two very solid legs up against his back. Steve leaned down and peeled his happy, excited daughter off Greg and sat her to one side. Then he leaned back down and put his hands under Greg’s armpits and picked up him just as easily.

Chelsi was still bouncing up and down with excitement and it took both Steve and Bobby to call their happy little girl to order. She did calm down but wrapped herself around Greg and asked him again if he was going to move in with them and be her brother. Greg looked helplessly at Bobby who finally took pity on him and picked up Chelsi. He gave her a big hug and kissed her.

“Sweet heart, I know that Greg plays with you just like another kid but he actually is an adult, with his own life and his own place to live. But I promise he will always be welcome here whenever he has time to come play with you. How’s that?”

She looked over at Greg. “I guess it all depends on you Greg. Will you come over and play with me sometime?”

Greg walked over and put his arms around the little doll. “Princess, I can’t think of anything I would like more. What do you say we go start a game of Uno while we’re waiting for Daddy to get dinner on the table?” She wiggled down out of Bobby’s arms and ran to get the game.

Steve walked over to Greg, ruffled his hair and then fastened his hand in his curls and pulled his head over so he could drop a kiss on top of his head. “Good save Brother Greg. I’ll join you and we’ll let Bobby get back to his woman’s work.”

Bobby was ready to bitch loudly until Steve turned back toward him and bared his fangs at him. Oh Oh…busted. “Yeah, I’ll have dinner ready in a few.”

As Greg left the kitchen, Steve looked at his lover and said, “If I can get that little barrel of worms into bed at a decent hour, I promise, you are going to have to sit on a cushion at work tonight.” Bobby felt his skin tingle and grow warm and wondered briefly if he could get away with slipping a shot of kid’s Nyquil in his daughter’s Kool-Aid.
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan woke up slowly; it was a painful experience. He felt like a pride of lions had used his tongue for a litter pan. Keeping his eyes open required great thought and effort. It also caused excruciating pain. It took a while to make it to the bathroom but large applications of alternating hot and cold water finally convinced him he was going to live and some day in the near future, he might be happy about the idea. He ordered a large glass of bloody Mary mix, hot coffee and toast. When he finished his meal he felt like he had just advanced from road kill to walking wounded. He left his lair, walking slowly and carefully and went to see about his patients. He had five currently in residence at the clinic; one alcoholic, one meth head, one middle aged woman addicted to prescriptions meds, Brady who was in a class by himself and Nick.

His spirits lifted slightly as he worked his way through his cases. His alcoholic was sober and finally was over the shakes. He was remorseful like all sobered up drunks. Alan knew this was the time to get him in a lifetime program and invested in some serious self examination. His meth head was a lost cause. You just cannot win every case and as much as it hurt to admit it even to himself, he couldn’t save them all. She’d been a goner from the very first time she took a hit of the crystal death. He was really feeling good when he left his 3rd patient. Mrs. Louise Hawkins had finally admitted with no pushing from him that the only pain she needed medication for was the pain she felt in her soul. She lost her husband, seven year old son and 3 month old baby daughter when a drunk driver slammed into their car one lovely summer night. She had no one left to love and care for and she was a woman who was born to care for people. Alan made a note on her chart to talk to Marie for input on her treatment and to make sure she and his first patient were in the same group sessions. It would be good for both of them.

For the first time since the kid was admitted to Meijer Clinic, Alan felt a little ray of hope for Brady. He was eating breakfast in a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The tiny fine scars were almost invisible against his newly tanned skin. He looked healthier than Alan had ever seen him. He knew that Nick’s constant interest and care and the visits from Nick’s friend Rob had a lot to do with his improved attitude. Come on you coward; four down and the main event is waiting. Let’s go see how or should I say WHO Nick is this morning.

Nick was up, dressed and sitting in his chair talking on the phone when Alan stuck his head in. Nick gave him a small smile and mouthed “Mom” at him. Alan smiled the way he did every time he thought of Jillian Stokes and mouthed back “Say hello for me”. He sat down in the other club chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and leaned back and relaxed. Nick finished his visit with his mom and said, “Hey, I look better than you do. That’s a first.”

Alan opened one eye and looked at his patient. “Nick, I’m 52 and you’re 34. You always look better than I do. It’s a fact of life. How are you feeling?”

“Like I been rode hard and put away wet and not ‘rode’ in a good way.”

“Do you remember any of our session yesterday?”

“More than I want to remember, but none of it is clear. It’s all jumbled up together with my dream, the fight with Greg, the trips to the clubs for the last eight years; everything is one huge stew crammed into my head.”

“Are you ready to start making some sense of it all?”

When Nick didn’t answer right away, Alan opened both eyes and sat up. He could not lose him; not now, now when they were so close. But he couldn’t push him either. This had to be Nick and no one else. Finally Nick looked up at him with sad brown eyes that suddenly made Alan think of another time he’d seen those eyes but every thing was different. The thought was too hard to hang onto and follow up in his aching head. So he let it go and waited for Nick’s decision.

“God I don’t want to do this. I’ve got partial memories and none of them are pleasant. I can’t figure out what I know from what I think I know from what I’m afraid to know.”

“Nick, I swear to you, you don’t have to do this alone. I will be with you every step of the way. Bobby, Steve, Rob, Greg and your parents are all just waiting to help when ever we need them. You’ve even got friends here who want to help.”

“Yeah, I vaguely remember Charles and Russell and Phillip; one or the other of them was there every time I opened my eyes.”

“They were and Brady has asked me at least 5 times a day for the last two days if he can come see you. He says when he’s afraid to think about what’s going on with him, you read to him. He wanted to come read to you. Nick, I have an idea what’s happened. I’m not going to do the work, you are, but I will be here with you. I’m finally on the same page with everyone else. You are someone special to so many people. You are worth repairing. I believe it, your folks, your friends believe it; you have to believe it too.”

Nick took a deep breath and held it for a minute. He let out a deep sigh and said, “Okay. How do we do this?”

“We do it a little different. We start over from the beginning. We go through everything; your weekly trips to the clubs, your excesses after Nigel Crane and Walter Gordon, your infatuation with Greg, the five months you two spent together including your attacks on him…”

Nick jerked when he said that and let out a small, strangled little moan. “Nick, I’m not going to even try to pretend what you did was alright but there was a reason and if you want to make sure it never happens again, either with Greg or anyone else, you have to understand what that reason was.”

Nick looked up and said, “So far, it sounds just like what we’ve been doing all along.”

“This time, we do it and relate everything to what happened when you were a child.”

Nick got up and began pacing around the room. Alan straightened up and slipped his hand in his pocket to grasp his pager. Nick stopped his pacing and turned back towards the alert doctor. “Don’t worry Alan, I’m not gonna go crazy on you again. But I’m not gonna pretend that I’m gonna enjoy this either. Let’s get started.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Over the next few weeks, the two men really did go through hell together. They tore Nick’s life apart. Nick had to go through things he’d forgotten for years and he had to understand them until he was able to explain to Alan, why he did the things he did, what was the cause, the reasons. They dug and they picked and probed and argued until there was only one thing left and Nick just could not wrap his head around it.

“I’m telling you Nick, you are not a monster; a freak. You aren’t now and you weren’t then. It does happen; it happened to you.”

“How come I’ve never heard about it before? I’ll bet if we went out to the common room and picked five people at random, not a single one of them would know what they hell we’re talking about. So how can you say I’m normal? I was a freak, a monster then and it’s stayed with me all my life. It’s why I did what I did to Greg, it’s why I go to gay clubs and let strangers fuck me. I’m not normal Alan. I’m not fit to be around normal people.”

“Nick, on May 14, 1939 Lina Medina gave birth to a six pound baby boy in Lima, Peru.”

“Good for her, what the hell does that have to do with me?”

“Lina was 5 years, 7 months and 21 days old when she gave birth to her son. She is the youngest recorded confirmed mother in medical history and it’s authenticated completely with pictures, medical documents and thoroughly researched articles in some very prestigious medical journals. The condition is now referred to as ‘precocious puberty’ and yes, it’s not common BUT it’s also a fact; a documented medical fact. And it’s going to be happening more and more because it’s also a fact that studies indicate that breast development in girls and pubic hair in boys is starting earlier than in previous generations. As a result, "early puberty" in children as young as 9 and 10 is no longer considered abnormal.”

“You mean it’s happened before?”

“Yes it’s happened before. Lina is the youngest mother on record but there are reports of boys as young as 8 with viable sperm and the ability to ejaculate. You were uncommon BUT you weren’t a monster or a freak. You were just a little more mature than the average nine almost ten year old boy.”

“Jesus, what causes it?”

“It can be triggered by tumors or cysts. There are some diseases that can cause a surge in endocrine levels but it also can just spontaneously occur. When you first came to the clinic you were in a coma for almost eight days. We needed information so we talked with your parents and they gave us permission to access your medical records. Do you remember being in the hospital when you were almost seven?”

“Yeah, I got a sore throat that didn’t go away and I was tired all the time. They thought I might have mono or something.”

“Do you remember what your final diagnosis was?”

“Not really; I remember getting a lot of Jell-O because of my sore throat. I think I had to take pills every day but after a year or so, I was fine and I didn’t have to take the pills anymore.”

“Nick, your final diagnosis was Acquired hypothyroidism. It’s more common as children reach puberty or teenage years, but can still appear in young children. It is also more common in girls than in boys but it does happen and it evidently happened to you. Now I can’t say for sure but problems in the ovaries for girls or thyroid gland for boys can, very rarely, trigger the onset of puberty ahead of schedule. In about 5% of boys, precocious puberty is inherited. Starting puberty early can be passed to the son from the father or to the son from the maternal grandfather through the mother (who will not be affected by the disorder). Did anything happen right around the time of your violation; any sort of traumatic event? Come on…think Nick, you are so close to having complete control.”

Nick was wearing holes in the rug. He was pacing back and forth and shaking his head in disagreement with what Alan was saying. He didn’t want to believe this, he didn’t want to think about this. It was too weird, too strange and Oh God, it was too familiar. Nick stopped dead in his tracks. He looked up at Alan, a look of almost terror on his face.

Alan jumped to his feet and hurried over to grab Nick by his arms. He held him firmly. “Nick, talk to me. What is it? What have you remembered? Come on, Nicky, you’re scaring me. Talk to me!”

Nick reached out and grabbed hold of Alan; he leaned into him until he was almost resting his head on his shoulder. He was shaking so hard, Alan could hear his teeth chattering. “I remember Alan, I remember it all, every single thing. I remember. Let me sit down.”

Alan got him a bottle of water and Nick drank half of it down without stopping. Alan stayed beside him, rubbing his shoulders and helping him to get into his breathing exercises. After a long time, Nick was almost calm again. He looked up at his doctor and realized he was looking at his friend. Alan had said he would be there with him every step and he had been. He’d gone to the wall with him and Nick now trusted him completely. “I’m ready to tell you everything now. You’ve earned it.”

Alan turned away and leaned back against his desk. He smiled at Nick and said, “You know, I cannot believe I am about to say this but….as long as I have been waiting to hear this, there is someone else who deserves to hear your story. He’s earned the right.”

Nick swallowed hard and slowly began to nod his head. “Greg.”

“Yes, Greg. He’s stood by you, supported you, been there for you and I believe he’s already forgiven you. Are you ready to tell him why he’s gone through months of hell?”

“Call him. Ask him if he can come down.”

“I’ll do better than that. I’ll drive us up to my office in town and he can meet us there. Are you ready to get out of here?”

“I’m ready to do what ever it takes to let him know how sorry I am. Let’s take a road trip.”
 Mon, 03 Dec 2007 23:13:16 GMT Fic: Advent Calendar (December 3): Gingerbread [CSI:NY, Flack/Danny]
Title: Advent Calendar (December 3): Gingerbread
Author: [info]stellaluna_
Fandom: CSI:NY
Rating: PG for language
Summary: A Saturday afternoon in Flack's kitchen. Flack/Danny
Disclaimer: None of these are mine. Characters are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS, and Alliance Atlantis.
Notes: This is my attempt at a fic version of an Advent calendar. There will be 25 of these.

My life has officially gone to hell.

Feedback is always appreciated.

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